Hello out there. I'm new around here. My humans call me Oreo Cat:
Click to see my big pink ears. I will not eat you.....just yet.
Reffie, the girl human, has gone for a run. Evil Twin, the girl human's alter ego with the superpowers, asked me to write about my experiences here in this crazy
household cat kingdom.
I was excited about this Oreo thing until Evil Twin explained that the humans were saying "blizzard" not "gizzards" and "filling" instead of "fileting".
I guess Oreo Cat is better than....
Oh, I can't say those words here.
First of all, these humans are EXTREMELY hard to train. They are intolerant, lazy, and very slow to learn. Perhaps they are retarded.
There is NOT enough food around here. Where are my juicy bits of dead animal and crispy crunchy rodent tails? I've only seen a few bugs here and there. I took care of those quick enough. I finally found a loaf of bread waiting for me on the countertop. I took it to my secret hiding place. The girl human caught me. She was muttering something about how that was HER breakfast, not mine.
See? How dumb is that?
The sleeping situation is tolerable. I fit very well in the male human's lap but he fusses when I try to sip his drink before settling down. The girl human makes a nice back rest during the night although she doesn't handle things well when I try to play with her during the wee hours. I must work harder with her on this issue. Cool flat surfaces such as coffee tables and hearths are available for when the humans make me too hot.
They keep saying that my backside looks like a dog and that I "wag" my tail. I don't know what a backside is but I have heard that evil word "dog" before. Evil Twin tells me they have the spelling backwards. They are saying I'm a "god" of some sort. Cool. Maybe they aren't so stupid afterall.
That's all the time I have now. The girl human is about to return from her run. I shall help her clean up. She tastes good after she's been outside. I also help her cleanse her hands after she eats pickles.
I'm in full play mode here but
I might consider eating if food was presented.